TranceNet Personal Histories Archive

[ "abraham" ] [ "Annie" ] [ anon1 ] [ anon2 ] [ anon3 ] [ anon4 ] [ bellah ] [ denaro ] [ dolan ] [ don & marcy ] [ haddon ] [ kapor ] [ kehl ] [ kellett ] [ kelly ] [ kim ] [ knapp ] [ kropinski ] [ lisa ] [ mark ] [ mcwilliams ] [ miller ] [ randolph ] [ roark ] [ p.r. ] [ ryan ] [ sam ] [ squires ] [ stacks ] [ white ] [ yarger ]

Portions edited and ©1995 Albert Miller. All rights reserved.

Here are dozens of passionately informed stories about the Transcendental Meditation movement by former teachers, meditators, high level ex-insiders, celibate TM monks, students, faculty and administrators from Maharishi International University (MIU). They outline the destructive emotional, psychological, and financial side-effects they have undergone through their exposure to the TM technique and movement.

Note: Twice we have received objections that some of the submitters below have gone on to follow other spiritual paths -- as if this negated the testimony they have given here. We fail to see how someone adopting new values after leaving TM invalidates either their personal testimony or the court documentation that they are able to produce. People who become involved with TM are spiritually inclined, generally; it seems very likely they will look for another spiritual discipline after they leave TM. Does that mean none of their facts and opinions are valid? This leads to a circular logic: TM is good because the people we trust say it is good; and we only trust the people who say it is good; therefore, TM is good. Needless to say, we are not swayed by this argument

U.S. courts held similarly when they found a 6-figure settlement in favor of Robert Kropinski's fraud case against the TM movement in the 1980s. They were not swayed by the TM movement's argument that the Swami Kropinski went on to follow so influenced Kropinski that his testimony should not be believed and neither are we.

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Click on Essays for related articles by ex-insiders.

You may know Mitchell Kapor as the founder of Lotus and the Electronic Frontier Foundation. But Mitchell also spent 7 years deep inside the TM movement. In this interview from TRICYCLE: The Buddhist Review, reprinted here with his permission, Mitchell talks about why he started TM, his ultimate disillusionment with TM levitation techniques, and "crossing from slavery into freedom" when he left his Six-Month Governor Training Course in Switzerland.

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For most current and ex-TMers, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and his various fronts have always been above reproach. Perhaps some of his theories were a tad wacky, perhaps his techniques didn't work, but insiders, the public, and the media smiled indulgently at his hyperbole and overlooked what appeared his slight shortcomings.

After all, the great distinction between TM and truly "scary" groups like Scientology or the Unification Church was the lack of violence, madness, and destruction around Maharishi.

Or so most of us thought until recently.

In his civil suit against the TM movement, Kropinski outlined 20 years of alleged psychosis, suicides, self-mutilations, murder, and the drugging of course participants and one of Maharishi's private secretaries -- at his order.

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THE MAHARISHI'S CHILDREN: In the 1980s' German Study and Kropinski trial, outsiders got their first hint that all was not well with the children of the TM Movement. We heard stories of parental neglect, child abuse, and autistic-like symptoms. In the late 80s, The Illustrated Weekly of India published allegations of widespread child abuse on the Maharishi's personal compound in Noida, India.

Now in the most shocking submission ever made to TranceNet, an adult child of a renowned TM family describes in stunning detail her childhood in Fairfield, Iowa, the center of the TM Movement in the US, where the Maharishi told us to expect "Heaven on Earth." Fair warning: strong language and explicit sexual situations follow. Those wishing to avoid "negativity" would be well advised to read no further.

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Abraham, a long-time and highly experienced TM teacher explains " why, after years of misleading people, I've written this letter to set things right." He alleges that "some TM teachers will lie to you knowingly under the justification that it is OK to deceive people to bring them to higher knowledge. " But he chooses to set out he entire deceptive program in terms clear and precise enough for the beginner.

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"Mark's Story": A young man discovers his sexuality -- and that there is no place in the TM movement for "what Nature made him."

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In the '70s, Peter McWilliams co-wrote one of the best-selling trade books of all time, The TM Book. Disillusioned by the TM-Sidhis, Peter drifted into the orbit of another controversial group, John-Roger's MSIA (of Ariana Huffington fame). Peter alleges that John-Roger demanded that he get co-writing credit and half the proceeds of Peter's lucrative Life 101 series -- or Peter would die of a horrible, unnamed illness.

But we seemingly digress from the tale of TM. In this appendix from Life 102: What to Do when Your Guru Sues You, reprinted with his permission and good wishes, Peter tells of his time in the TM movement and his ultimate disillusionment with the TM-Sidhis.

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Dennis Roark, former MIU dean of faculty and chairman of the department of physics, writes about the university's "crackpot science" protocols, its baseless claims of a relationship between physics and consciousness, and the suppression of negative data in movement-sponsored research that is widely quoted as "scientific proof" of the benefits of TM.

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Anthony Denaro, former professor of economics and business law and director of grants administration at MIU recalls some dangerous psychological effects of TM and TM-Sidhis on students and others during his affiliation, such as depression, suicide attempts, assaults, homicidal ideation, psychotic episodes -- all with Maharishi's knowledge. He characterizes the movement as "essentially cultic" and willing to engage in deception, fraud, and corruption in the name of a higher ideology.

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Lon Stacks has been involved for many years with the TM movement in the U.S. -- working with Purusha, Deepak Chopra, and the highest levels. His willingness to make public disclosure and take public action at this time may very well have many TM movement higher ups very concerned. He is personally risking much, including his reputation and longtime relationships. Transcript of an hour-long exclusive interview with TranceNet, with pictures and essays by Lon. (Under construction)

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"P. R." reveals an extraordinary tale --including allegations of scandal, corruption, misappropriations of funds, and more -- from within the Latin American movement. Latin American Purushas, sidhas, and news accounts all contribute to a story that TM meditators around the globe need to read -- because of its implications for the running of the TM movement worldwide.

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"Lisa" movingly tells of her heart-breaking relationship with "Michael," a TM governor. She reports every aspect of their life together revolved around what she came to call the cult-like teachings of TM -- and what she saw as the deep and permanent damage that "Michael" had experienced from years of lengthy TM practice. Lisa feels he based his entire adult life on a system of values and beliefs that were a form of self-imposed slavery.

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Patrick Ryan, a cult exit counselor, co-founder of TM-EX, and MIU graduate, tells how he was recruited by TM teachers in high school who used proof-of-science and save-the-world come-ons. He became a student at MIU where he recalls being usurped of his youthful idealism and manipulated in the name of spirituality. He experienced trance euphoria, depersonalization, cognitive distortion, dissociation, confusion, irritability, and memory difficulties. Doubts and a sense of entrapment set in; intervention with his family to rescue his sister from The Way International opened his eyes to cult tactics; he broke with the TM movement and began an ongoing recovery process.

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Joseph Kelly, a former meditator and sidha, tells of his attraction to TM, of his increasing devotion and involvement with the movement, numerous TM residence courses that led to floating experiences, being "spaced out" and dissociated, chronic depression, and the loss of short term memory from more than 10,000 hours of hypnotic trance-inducing TM and related techniques. He recounts a subsequent involvement in the International Society of Divine Love and his eventual escape from both cults after 14 years with the help of Cult Awareness Network conferences. He describes the healing process and his own inner sense of integrity, the part of him he never gave over.

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Mike Dolan, a TM teacher relives his wild and loopy days on the Rishikesh course in the late 1960s. Part street-wise comic, part beat poet, Mike gives just a hint of what it was like to round with spiritual luminaries and the Beatles -- until they parted company.

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John Knapp, founder of trancenet.net and a governor/teacher of TM, highlights his experiences as a department head at MIU Press, such as required vows of celibacy, destruction of books and outside reading material, censorship, 36-hour work shifts, enforced fasting and the theft of promised compensation. Also includes a number of personal essays.

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"Sam" tells of his initial bafflement with the stories at TranceNet, his growing awareness that he was far from "enlightened," and his successful treatment for bipolar and dissociative disorders with Prozac and lithium.

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Albert Miller, a writer and former director of Capital (MCAE) operations at MIU, describes his initial attraction to TM and early enthusiasm, his hallucinating experience after an early residence course, and 14 years of regular practice without achieving any of the advertised benefits. He plunged into full time involvement with the movement in 1986, did his program in the dome at MIU for four more years without tangible results. He realized the delusive nature of Maharishi's enlightenment programs and, in a series of published articles, exposed the cultic nature of the TM movement, consumer fraud practices, and censorship at the MIU library.

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David Haddon, a former meditator, reports on the placebo effect in TM practice, the unhealthy mental and physical results he and others experienced, and offers a Christian approach to the quest for bliss and peace.

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Jung Do Kim, former National Leader of TM for the Republic of Korea, writes about TM recruiting in South Korea under the guise of a business enterprise for which he raised the funds, and the departure of TM-Movement people with all the money.

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The transcript of a March, 1993, taped interview with a former MIU student submitted anonymously to TranceNet. Today this 9-year TM meditator and Sidha is so disabled that he cannot work and is on SSA (Social Security Assistance). He suffers from fainting, black outs, anxiety attacks, fear, and from near constant exhaustion. He feels that he has "blown out his mind." Exclusive to TranceNet

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We received this extraordinary story in response to TranceNet's call for TM casualty stories. For reasons that should become apparent as you read this deeply moving tale, the author wishes to remain anonymous. We were devastated by her courage in such a frank discussion of her pain, the hell she went through, and her eventual triumph. Bear in mind that -- even as you read the most horrifying details -- her story is one of true spiritual triumph.

There are two points you may want to keep in mind as you read this story. Many people upon leaving TM "float" from cult to cult -- perhaps because of the dependency and suggestibility that TM trained them in. And very frequently cult leaders punish or hold back their most talented and dedicated cult members. That way they can hold someone out as an example to keep the "faithful" in line -- while continuing to enjoy the hard work of a victim they are certain will never leave the fold.

Exclusive to TranceNet

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We were fortunate to launch our Personal Histories Archive with author Joe Kellett's intimate memoirs. Joe details his personal relationship with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, gives a teacher's perspective on the TM program, and probes his spiritual experiences. A must read for every current and former TMer. Exclusive to TranceNet.

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In a special dual submission to TranceNet, both a former TM governor and his wife tell their stories. A new and casual meditator, Marcy Greene, describes life with a TM governor -- and the deep pain she felt when she finally discovered the truth about the religious nature of TM. Don Krieger reveals how acknowledging the pain his secrets caused Marcy caused him to leave the movement. They explain the special trials of a couple working through exiting TM together.

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anon3 offers an opposing view: TM is a powerful technique and TMers who experience problems are largely fooling themselves by seeking cultic involvement and failing to regulate their own practice. He argues that the TM techniques lead to enlightenment, but "there comes a time where you have to graduate from the boundaries of institutional control, and become a spiritual adult, capable of free thought, free will, and independent decision making."

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anon4 Psychiatrist Dr. Gary Glass outlines his diagnosis of "John Doe," a TM teacher experiencing severe dissociation after years of TM and TM-Sidhi practice. A must read to understand the alleged dissociative effects of TM practice.

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Gordon White, former teacher of TM and celibate TM monk, offers an in-depth analysis of the TM Movement based on extensive insider involvement over a 20-year period that included his spiritual attraction to and personal dealings with Maharishi, teacher training and related experiences, years of seeking enlightenment as a member of the Purusha monastic group, his resulting life of denial, loss of objectivity, depersonalization. He writes about his gradual withdrawal from thought-control influences of the TM network, the spiritual fallout he experienced from that process and his gradual reestablishment of an independent life.

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UC Berkeley professorRobert Bellah testifies that TM is a religion -- and that a major spokesperson for TM admitted as much to him.

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Former TM teacherLinda Kehl says, "I have paid a high price due to the deception. I am partially aware of the physical, psychological, and emotional damage I experienced from using the T.M. techniques let alone the time and my financial loss..... [T]o those still living the lie, and to those who may buy the lie, I feel an overwhelming concern and obligation to bring information forward so that the truth about this group can be made publically [sic] known."

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Former TM teacher Gregory Randolph discusses esoteric TM teachings -- such as the necessity of reincarnation as higher beings for human enlightenment -- hidden from the public and general TM meditators.

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Edgar Squires, professor emeritus at Humboldt State University, reveals he gave up the practice of TM due to debilitating psychomotor side-effects that the Maharishi personally was unable to treat.

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David Yarger, a brand-new TM meditator tells about his 'checking' experiences, 'commission sales' offered on TM, lack of benefits from TM, 'spacing out' while driving, and his attempts at receiving a refund from the TM organization.

TranceNet Personal Histories Archive

More Personal Stories to Come