Experiences: Brenda Daeges
In 1967, a recruiter came to Omaha, Nebraska and recruited a lot of my
family. He told them about this church that was founded by God himself
because the Roman Church was on it ways of corruption. It was also
during the episode where the Roman Catholic Church underwent a lot of
changes. Some people did not want to accept the changes and this created
a chaos within the Catholic religion. My parents, aunts and uncles felt
for the lies of the recruiter and moved to Canada after selling
everything they had, giving the money and their goods to the cult and
joined them. I was not born at the time. My mother had 6 kids already, 3
boys and 3 girls. They moved to Canada to join this so-called
"paradise" the "Arch of Noe" in order to be saved, since it was the only
place that they could be saved in. In August of 1969 I was born, 2
years after their involvement into this cult. My parents were told that
in order to go to heaven they would have to give up all of their kids to
"God." Shortly after I was born I was given to the nuns. These people
dress like the nuns in the old days. Long dresses, long veils, covered
from head to toes, shaved heads, mostly dress in blue and white. The
monks are also dressed from head to toes with a funny hair cut that goes
all around their head but shaved on the top and bottom. They are mostly
dressed all in brown tunics.
If you are at all familiar with Michel
Collin, a self-proclaimed "pope" who took the name of Clemen the XV, he
is responsible for the start of this cult -- although Gaston Tremblay is
also responsible for it. Michel Collin ordained Gaston Tremblay "pope"
and he took the name of Jean Gregory the XVII. The names of the cult
are: Apostles of the Infinite Love, Order of the Mother of God, Apostles
of the Latter Times, Renovated Church of God, etc., the list goes on and
on. It is supposed to be Catholic although what they practice is not at
all Catholic. They have black masses and do have rituals similar to the
satanic cults. Their actions are totally devilish, they are possessed by
the demon. Gaston claims to have visions in which God, the Blessed
Virgin Mary, Ste. Theresa, to name a few, come to him revealing themselves
to him during ecstasy and telling him what to do. He claims that
Nostradamus, which they hold also as having Biblical authority, predicted him, "the mystical
pope." They based almost their origins on La Salette's predictions
also.
They have women priests along with men and right now even have a
female "pope," since the old guy is not too far from death. They
believe in destroying family values and even marriage values. It
does not make a difference if you are married or not, you too can become
a nun or a monk, a priest, a bishop or whatever. You do have to
renounce all sins and make vows to God and bingo you are on your way
to heaven.
The kids are separated from parents almost as soon as they
join. The cult takes care of them and raises them. The monks take care
of the boys and the nuns take care of the girls. They have missions all
over the United States, Canada, some in Puerto Rico, Italy, Guatemala
etc., just to name a few. They claim to hold all of the answers and to
be the one legit and true church of God. Anyone who is not part of them
will not be saved and will go to hell, unless they repent themselves,
give everything they have and own to the cult, join and becomes part of
Gaston's "Flocks."
They are very critical of the outside world,
everything is bad and rotten including the church in Rome. They are the
only true existing church of God, created by God, and predicted by God.
They sell calendars, prayers, books, magazines -- the whole nine yards -- trying to convert people and save them.
They are very destructive
mentally and physically. They abuse children sexually, mentally and
physically, to the point that it becomes unbelievable. The tortures
that I had to endure along with hundreds of other kids were classified
or compared to the Holocaust to say the least. All of them done to us
in the name of God, for our own good and salvation. I saw my family 3
times a year for 2 hours. During these "visitations" we were not
allowed to kiss, hug, hold or sit on your family's lap -- all were evil and
bad. I was to sacrifice all tendencies to loving my family because God
said that if you were attached to your families you could not be true to
Him (that is what the nuns would tell me). They would also check and you
were punished if they caught you sitting on your big brother's lap or
anyone else for that matter. This resulted of a beating, public
humiliations and the privilege to see your family was temporally ceased.
The nuns would beat me every single day 4 to 5 times a day on a good
day.
The monks and nuns go from door to door and beg for goods and money from people, claiming
that they are legit and a nonprofit organization. Just to make this
clear Gaston Tremblay started as a very young age hearing voices and
seeing the "Virgin Mary" he claims. He was not a normal child and was
kicked out of several religious orders prior to founding or taking over
this cult. He loves to do little boys or men. He also does not like
women too much. The nuns are also just as bad, they enjoy beating naked
girls, looking at naked girls and also touching girls. It was a very young age that my abuse started. I remember wetting my bed at the age of 2 and up, the nuns would wake me and beat me, then I would be put outside in the snow during the winter, naked, for a long period of time. They would also tie me up to a tree during the summer all day and sometimes all night and I would have to be on my knees and scrubbing my sheets and underwear. If they would catch me not doing the scrubbing I was beaten and my punishment would be prolonged or they would add on to it. They would leave me there in the dark at night. There are wolves, bears and coyotes in Canada and a couple of them got close to me a couple of times.
There was this one nun that was always nice to me and she would release me when she would see me. That was the only time I could escape but unfortunately she was not always around, and the other nuns would tie me and other girls where she would not find us. They would tie us in spread-eagle position in our bed at night, sometimes blindfolded, and would stick needles underneath our skins. If you cried or screamed you were beaten or gagged. They would make us literally eat and swallow this homemade brown soap that was strong and was used mainly for oil or grease spots on clothes, If you said a bad word -- which would be something like "shut up," "shit," "damn," or calling someone else a bad word like "ugly," "mean," "annoying," etc., -- they would beat us with everything they could get their hands on: pots and pans, butter knives, leather strips, belts, rosaries, wood, rulers (I still don't know to date how many of them they have broken on me -- it used to be a big joke on who broke the more rulers on a daily base), shoes, hands, rope, hard bread, lids that open desks they would slam on our fingers until they were bloody, whips, flutes, violins, anything they got ahold of and that they could use. They would hit us in the inside of our hands and arms because it hurt worse there, since it was right on the bone. The same was done on your legs and tendons.
While they would beat us, we would have to count the beatings. They varied anywhere from 50 to 100 to 200 sometimes even more. If you missed a count because you were crying too much it was back to 0 and we would have to redo it all over again until we didn't miss a beat. If they would serve us food that we did not like we had to eat it all, most of the time they would triple our portion and it had to been all gone or else.... You eat it until it was gone rotten or not, if you threw up they would make you eat your puke. They would put you in a dark basement, it was cold dark humid and scary, and we would have to remain in there until the food was gone or they came to let you out. But even then the next meal you come around and you would have to eat the old food on your knees in front of the other girls, while they ate good food. If one of them would give us a piece of their food they were beaten.
We had to write the same saying over and over and over on the board after we were beaten, of course, something over 1,000 of times. If you didn't write fast enough they would hit you on the hands or in the face. They would pull our hair, kick us down the stairs, pinch us until we were black and blue, hit us, pull us by the ear to the ground and beat you if you did not know the answer to a question. I had two of my front teeth chipped that way.
When I was around 12 or 14 they had me work on this big industrial cutter that cuts cucumbers or other vegetables. I got distracted by someone because I barely reached that machine, and you had to hold the cucumber in it until it was too small to be cut. They would check it and, boy, you better make sure that you couldn't cut no more. But anyway, my right finger is missing the top because of this. They never let me see the doctor for this. They put gauze on it and when it was time to change it, it would be all stuck because of the blood and they would let it soak just for a certain period of time then they would proceed in just ripping the gauze out. I almost passed out one day because of the pain. To this day, my finger still hurts if hitting the right way because I cut a nerve and never got proper care for it.
If you passed out you were possessed by the demons, they would sometimes use this bag with an attachment and fill it full of water and would clean your inside through your rectum to clean all impurity. It would hurt so bad and your stomach would cramp up so bad. They would lock me and other kids for days in a dark room with no food or water except what they wanted you to eat -- which mostly was dry bread and a glass of water for days. There were times you did not even come out for the bathroom. They would bring a bucket and you would have to pee in it and after several days or when they released you you had to clean that up. You were not allowed to talk to no one. This was mostly done to who ever had ran away and got busted, or something major like this.
We did not use kotex or tampons over there. The nuns would give some
baby diapers and we would have to scrub them well after their usage
before they get wash. If there was blood on them they would make you
clean ALL of the other girls dirty bloody rags. It stunk so bad, and
was so discussing. I remember when I started my period I was 13 of
age and I was scared because I did not know that woman got menstrual
period. After 2 days of being scared and thinking that I was going to
die I told this one nun that I was bleeding in my privates. She
called me a liar and accused me of saying that for attention. She
then forced me to put my underwear down and show her where I was
bleeding. After she saw it and touched it to make sure that it was
blood she then explained to me about how it is natural. I was and am
so humiliated of this incident I have never told anyone this incident.
Why could she just take my word for it? why go through this type of
lowest form of humiliation? Before she forced me to show her, I did
get beat because I put up a fight. I did not wish for her to look at
me there. She hit me several time in the face and on the head, but at
the end I gave in. When you were washing yourself it was most of the
time done in a very small sink. We had to wash all of our body
underneath this long nightgown and we would get hit if we showed some
skin. It was so hard to do, then the nun would do "the inspection"
which meant that you want in the shower room and she would examine all
of your body to make sure that it was all clean to her liking. This
is so embarrassing. We were allowed 1 shower or bath per week.
Otherwise it was to that little sink and we would have to clean
ourselves everynight of the week. When they would do your hair, brade
them, they would pull your hair so hard that I would have a headache
for the rest of the week and my skin underneath my hair was so red
and sometimes bloody. They would tell us to put our underwear down or
take off all of our clothes and assume the position for the beating.
If you weren't fast enough they would kick you and beat you harder.
Very seldom did I receive a beating with any type of clothes on. I
personally think that it turn on the nuns. I think that it was some
kind of sick sexual deviation from the nuns.
They used to give us a set of civilians clothes that was lock up just
in case the police would come to check up on us kids. They would then
hide us in the walls, ceiling, basement and we would have to stay
there for hours. They were telling us that the police were evil and
that they were trying to make us loose our souls. I do not know how
many times we had to stop everything and go hide, day or night. I
have mentioned earlier how they would make me cut wood with axes and I
do have several scare on my hands from the axes because they were too
heavy and it is was too hard to do. They would sometimes pull out of
"our prayers or meditation" to beat us quite often may I add, because
they would accuse us of having our mind on material things or evil
things. It did not make a difference to deny it because they were
always right. My parents were Americans. We were not to talk or
discuss the way we were treated or we would get worse when we came
from visitation. Even thought I follow it to the letter they would
still accuse me of talking to them in English, first of all, and then
for talking about the abuse that I was enduring. Nothing was ever
said from my part, I was too scared but still I got beat shitless.
English was a evil language if we were caught talking it we would have
our mouth rinse or clean with soap. We were allowed to see our
parents 3 times a year. Christmas or New Year, Easter and in
September for only 2 hours. Half the time we did not get too see our
brothers and sisters because "we were bad or they were bad" they would
punish us like this also. If by mistake you saw or bump in your
sisters or brothers and said "hi" to them you were severely punished.
It was evil and punishable and you could go to hell for that. So
therefore I had to ignore my family when I saw them or be punish and
pay the consequences. I often had to pay the consequences because I
missed not knowing my family so therefore I would talk to them or
write to them and slip my note into their clothing. You could never
show skin just for your face and your hands, the rest was sinful. We
never had a TV, Mickey mouse and all other cartoon character were
unknown to us until I came here in the US. at the age of 17. The only
songs that you were allowed to sing or know was their material and if
you were caught knowing others you paid the consequences by normally a
beating or a indefinite copy of the same phrase or other type of
punishments. We were in a prison, you went outside but it was all
fenced up and guarded. We were also not allowed outside without
supervision and normally for not more than couple of hours per day. I
would pick your nose we would have to eat sand for the next meal or
goat shit while everyone had a good meal. Sex was something that was
never discuss unless it was to tell us that it was evil. The nuns
sexually abused me and other kids. I do know that when I left the
place and came here in Omaha, I got rape and the guy who raped me only
did it because I was suppose to be a virgin. To his and my big
suprise somehow I was not a virgin..... I do not know how and where
and who and why I lost my virginity. I do know that the answer is
somewhere in my memory. It is a part of my memory that I don't think
will ever come back to me unless under hypnotism.
I remember I think it was when I was five or six years of age I watch an infant get beat until he was black and blue because he was sick. They almost killed him. I got beat because I went and blocked the kid. The oldest one used to get up in the middle of the night and wake the younger one to change their beds if they were wet so that they would not have to be beaten the next day. We got busted and beat shitless for that. They used to lock us up in the room by the outside door, if you were bad and they would make noise like chains, screams, infernal noises and tell us that we were in hell, but that actually it was nothing compare to the real hell and that we should be lucky that we were alive . The nuns would make us watch this movie of a poor kid that died by the age of 4 or 7 because of abuse that she had suffer from her stepmother over and over and over. I still know the song of the movie to this day. The title was Petite Aurore, l'enfant martyr, which means "Little Aurore, the child martyr."
They would stick our head in the toilets and flush them with our head in it if the restroom were not cleaned to their liking, the same with the sinks. The nuns would also use a floor brush and scrub our hands and feet if they were not clean to their liking also. We would have to go outside in the summer and do the Twelve steps of the Cross, the ones that Jesus supposedly went through before he died, on this very rocky and hard mountains on our knees up and down the mountains. Our knees and hands would be bloody we would also have to kiss the ground all the time and you could not choose your spot to kiss if it was dirty or had shit on that spot that you were in you had to kiss to spot. They would take our head and shove it into manure of goat, cow or horse or whatever was there at the time. They would also on some occasions make you eat shit and swallow it.
When I was a baby I was always afraid of the water hitting my face and this one nun used to hold my face under water for minutes or until I could breathe no more and than they would lift my head up just enough for me to breathe and then they would shove it back under water again.
You got beat everyday, several times. One summer I remember getting beat 6 to 7 times in a day. They would wake me at night and accuse me of "playing with myself" I was only like 7 or 9 year old at the time, never watch TV or listen to the radio, I was totally innocent about sex. They would take me outside on the balcony and begin beating. I would ask them why they were beating me and they would tell me that I knew what I did. Finally after an hour or more of getting beaten they told me that if I admitted to doing what I was doing they would stop beating me. They would tell me that I was playing with myself, then I would admit to it hoping that they would stop beating me but I was too naive. I got beat for lying about not knowing what I was doing, denying it, and then also I was beaten because they were tired of beating me. They would take turns. When one was tired, the other one would take her place and so on and so forth. It was a no win situation. I was always like that getting wake up in the middle of the night for no reason and getting beaten the shit out of just because they felt like it.
I had this one nun when I was between the age of 1 and 5 that every Sunday night she would play a game with us. It consisted of taking one of us kids, putting us naked on the table in the living room, we had to sit around that big table and watch her beat senseless this poor child. If one of us showed sympathy to it we were next. It was her game. She would also pick a friend of the kid and have that friend beat the kid. If the friend refused she was beaten and the other kid got worse. We would have to come up with our own punishment if we did wrong and if it was not hard enough on ourselves we got our punishment plus theirs. They would make us go on the bed and put our butt naked for them to beat it. We would have to stay like this until they got to us. I can swear that there were times they did that just because it was so hard on us to do this. Imagine ourselves having to put our underwear down so someone could beat you senseless. They would very seldom put our clothes down for us. We had to do it and bend over so that they could beat us. I think that was worse than the beating.
They also killed the poor innocent kitten that I had gotten attached to during the winter and when spring arrived the nun with another girl called me outside made me sit and watch them put a rope around it's neck and strangle him. I begged and begged them not to kill him I promised that I would never touch him again that I was not attached to him but nothing worked. I had to watch him die because I had cared for him. We also had a bird and several dogs
that all got killed because we were attached to them. I did not see
them kill them except for my kitten.
Some of the girls that were in
my group were related to the nuns. They were spoiled rotten. They
would take their stuff and put it with your stuff and then go to the
nuns and accuse you of stealing their stuff. I was severely beaten on
several occasions. I might add that they beat us worse that animal.
Over there you were not a human being but just an object or a thing to
amuse the nuns.
We never went to the doctor unless it was critical.
They had their own illegal nurse working in the cult for them. When I
said illegal by that I mean that the person who was a nurse was not
registered nor qualified for the job.
During a cold period, everyone was
forced to eat a whole raw onion in the morning. If you did not eat it
you received two instead of one, on the next meal. They would also take
the onion and rub it furiously against our eyes, when they felt like
it. They would also slam doors on your hands, and on couple of occasions
they slammed our heads in the doors.
I remember at a very young age,
the little boys and the little girls were mixed together and one
of the older girls came to me one day telling me to look at little
boys because they were different then us. I proceeded by repeating it
(which was a big mistake on my part) and I got my mouth washed with
soap, severely beaten and secluded in a room without food or water for
over a period of 3 days. I must have been like 5 years old then. I did
not know that I was not supposed to notice the difference between boys and
girls. Public humiliations were another big instrument for them. They
used them to the max on all of us kids. There were days, that if you did
something wrong you could not walk like a normal person. The whole
day you would have to walk on your knees, where ever you went, outside
up and down the stairs, etc.
When you went to bed at night, you could
not sleep on your side or your stomach, it was a mortal sin, we got
beat for that. If in the middle of a night during your sleep you
rolled over by mistake, and got caught they would wake you and beat
you and sometimes you would have to scrub classrooms or bathrooms or
whatever they wanted you to do, but you could not go back to sleep.
They would say that since we cannot sleep in "God's position" we
were evil and did not deserve to sleep. They would also sometimes put
snakes in our beds and went you got into the bed, that snake would
crawl on you and you would scream. We got beat for that and were told
that the snake came from hell to warn us that it was where we were
heading if we did not change our attitude.
They would perform
exorcism on us sometimes. I can not remember any of the procedure
used in the exorcism. I think my memory pretty much black out that to
where I probably never remember.
When you got beaten specially at a
younger age, it was always done to the kid without no clothing on, no
even a pair of underwear. They would beat us all over our body not
just our butt. When I was 18 and out of the place I had to have
surgery to remove a cyst formed on my left breast, caused by the
beating I would assume. I would have to cut wood with axes, build
houses, stock up heavy fire wood, stacks and stacks and stacks of them -- and it had to be done in one day most of the time. So we would have
to world long hours and hard to get the work done.
I remember one of
the girl threw a piece of wood in the back of my head. It split open
and one of the nuns poured alcohol in it. I passed out right away. I
never went to a doctor for that and the very next day I was back to
work with a bandage on my head. I eventually got an infection in it
and the "nurse" had to come and look at it. They would also kill 60
to 70 chickens in one day and we the kids had to clean them. By that
I mean taking all the feathers out, the guts and everything. I always
resented doing this. We were forced to do it for days and days in the
row. We had chickens, ducks, rabbits, turkeys, geese, and it was all
to the girls to clean them even if you got sick and threw up they did
not care. There were times where they wanted and made us kill them
ourselves. I always escaped that Thank God.
I was pulled out of
school at a very young age because they said that I was too stupid to
continue my education and too much of a trouble maker. Since I was
very built they made me do man's work to compensate for the schooling.
They would call us names like "stupid," "ignorant," "idiot," "unworthy of
living,demons,ugly,four by four,imbecile" -- the list goes on and on.
All the names in the book I got called since I was a baby. I still
believe in most of them. I know that they are not true but the
techniques and the constant repetition of these words make is hard to
forget. They one day took all of my baby pictures and burned them in
front of me because they said that I was too full of vanity -- and of
course that was after I got beaten.
When I was five years old I tried to kill myself. I did not know how to
do it or even what it meant but all I knew is that I wanted to go away
somewhere where no one would beat me kick or abuse me. My childhood
basically was many retried suicides. My best friend in there stopped
me several times, as I did for her also. And then we promised one another
that we would not kill ourselves any more but that as soon as we were
old enough the first one to leave would contact the second one and that
we would leave the very same day and time. That is what kept our
sanity for all.
When I decided to leave at the age of 17 I called her
and told her that I was leaving and so she left with the rest of her
family the same day. She lives in Canada for she is Canadian but I come
to the US and live with my uncle. What pushed me to leave was just
everything, I hated life, I tried so many times to put an end to my life
but never had the guts to do it. I could not take any more abuses -- I was
on the edge and like a bomb ready to explode.
I had talked to one of the
nuns there who was a very good friend to me about my feelings: how I was
premeditating murder of certain nuns there, how I could not take it
anymore and so on and so forth. She turned toward me and I will never
forget her comments: Brenda, she said, "this place is not real, it is
evil and you have eaten enough 'shit' from these people. You deserve a
better life. You are so young, intelligent and pretty. You have to go
and give life a chance. I cannot stand for you to get abused anymore,
you have eaten more of your share of abuses and God only knows how much I
tried to prevent them from hurting you." (And she did, she was a guardian
angel who helped me keep my sanity through out my childhood. She just
recently passed away and I miss her dearly). "This is not a true church,
you will not go to hell if you leave, and I am ordering you as your
confessor to leave and make the best out of your life. I will never
forget you and will always love you as my own daughter in Christ." I still
remember word by word what she told me. She freed me and erased all
or most of all guilt and being scared to go to hell if I left. She was
too old or she told me she also would have left.
That is why I left. It
was very hard for I left all of my family and friends behind and went to
a place never explored by one of us kids before. I did not know
English, I did not know how to dress, how to do my hair, to shave, etc.
I felt like a one year old kid, so stupid because everyone around me know
everything . Some were nice but most of the friends I met made
constant fun of my lack of knowledge. I made it but still there are
times where I get real low on myself because of the lack of knowledge
that I received as a child.
I am not
afraid to talk about what happened to me as a child. I have come to
understand that it was not my fault and that I should not feel guilty
or ashamed about it because I was put in there and had no control over
any of the abuses I and other kids had to go through on a daily base.
This place is
nothing other than a reenacted hell on earth, if I can say it this way.
Their morals, well these people have no morals, no conscience, they are
evil and dangerous. The impact they leave on innocent people like
myself after I left the cult was and is an outrageous and inhuman
degrading thing to say the least, they screw you up so bad that after
you leave it is very hard to live with yourself, enjoy life. One of the
guys that left the place killed someone because of the hate, the anger,
the abuses that you go through in the place. I went through drugs and
alcohol for 11 years after leaving this cult, because of the lack of
proper counseling help.
[signed]
Brenda Sue Daeges
